DEAR DEIDRE: SINCE he was a teenager, my son has spent most of his day on the sofa or in his bedroom – the problem is he is now 31.
He has had a handful of jobs in the last ten years but none lasts longer than a couple of weeks.
I’m his 62-year-old dad. My son “couldn’t be bothered to go to university” and has pretty much resigned from his life in the last six months.
The only time he summons any energy to leave the house is to buy beer to get drunk.
He screams, argues and damages my home.
I am thinking about kicking him out as I’m struggling to cope with his angry outbursts. My son has no life, no friends, no job and has never had a relationship.
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I think he’s lazy and wants a ready-made life. He’s now threatening suicide.
I’m basically at a standstill and don’t know what to do. I’m scared he’ll try to kill himself or kill me.
He is incredibly depressed, angry and suffers from anxiety. I’m very worried for us both.
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DEIDRE SAYS: He sounds like a desperately unhappy man who takes his anger out on you, making you fearful and miserable. It’s not easy to set boundaries, but you need to take care of yourself.
It’s worrying he’s threatening suicide. Don’t give up on him now but insist he sees his doctor.
Tell him you love him, but you can’t have him threatening you or damaging your home.
I doubt your son could move out instantly but putting the wheels in motion would relieve some of the emotional pressure.
Tell him you need him to work towards living independently.
It’s vital you get some assistance. Contact Peg Support who help parents who are experiencing abuse from their kids, including those with adult offspring (pegsupport.co.uk).
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