DEIDRE SAYS: Coming – also known as having an orgasm, reaching climax or, in slang, cumming – can prove elusive for a woman, especially during penetrative sex.
But almost every woman can achieve it with the right stimulation.
It’s not compulsory to have an orgasm – it isn’t a goal to reach, and many women enjoy sex and get a great deal of pleasure from it even if they don’t come.
It’s thought that only around 50 per cent of women usually reach orgasm when they make love, with only about half of these usually doing so during intercourse.
WHAT IS AN ORGASM?
The ‘big O’ is a feeling of intense pleasure, often described as the ‘peak’ of pleasure – that usually happens during sex.
It can happen alone – such as during masturbation or using sex toys – or with a partner.
Some women can come almost instantly, while others need 30 minutes or more of stimulation.
Experts are divided over whether it’s possible to have a vaginal orgasm. For most women, it’s clitoral stimulation that provides the most pleasure and leads to orgasm.
You don’t need to have an orgasm to get pregnant and, unlike in porn, not all woman scream or moan loudly.
It’s possible for a woman to have several orgasms one after the other – also known as a ‘multiple orgasm’.
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WHAT HAPPENS DURING ORGASM?
When a woman is aroused, blood flow to her genitals increases, making them more sensitive. Her heart rate, blood pressure and breathing rate also go up.
As orgasm approaches, the muscles in the vagina twitch or spasm rhythmically.
WHY CAN’T SOME WOMEN ORGASM DURING SEX?
The most common reason is that there hasn’t been enough foreplay, which means she isn’t aroused enough.
Orgasms might present as physical sensations, but the brain is actually the biggest sexual organ. So if she’s stressed, uncomfortable, anxious or tired, or if you’re having relationship issues, she might find it hard to come.
Some drugs and medical conditions can make it difficult to reach orgasm.
WHAT SHOULD YOU DO IF YOU OR YOUR PARTNER CAN’T ORGASM?
The Dear Deidre team can help.
My support packs Orgasm for Women and Help your Partner reach Orgasm will give you practical tips and show you where to turn for support.
For a support pack and personalised advice, email us at [email protected] or for a prompt response, message us on Facebook.
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