DEAR DEIDRE: I GAVE my husband the shock of his life when I met him at the airport after he had flown home with his secret lover.
My husband told me that he was run down with work and needed time out alone. The truth was he took time out in Lanzarote with a woman who looks half his age.
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We’ve been married for 18 years and have two sons, now 16 and 12.
We’re both 44. He always used to tell me he loved me and our sex life was good, but he suddenly became distant three months ago.
I was worried and asked him what was wrong. He put it down to work and said he’d sort it.
I got on with my life taking care of the home and the boys.
My husband then said he needed a holiday to get his head clear, even though the boys and I couldn’t go as it was term time.
I was dubious but thought, “Well, if that’s what he needs . . . ”
He packed his own bag but I saw he’d got a new phone and I noticed that he left his old phone behind. As soon as he’d left I grabbed it and had a good look.
There were loving messages on it from a girl he works with.
THREE quarters of couples in their fifties still have sex but the passing years can bring problems and they can be unsure where to find help.
Most are easily sorted out if you know how. My leaflet Fab Sex Over 50 explains. Email me at the address above.
I made up an excuse about needing to pass on a message to her from my husband.
I messaged her and she replied saying she was on holiday with him. He had told her he was divorced.
I found out when their flight was due home. You should have seen the look on his face when he saw me waiting at arrivals. He was holding her hand but looked scared and dropped it like a hot coal.
So, he’s been lying to me for a year — sleeping with her then coming back home to me. No wonder he always looked tired and seemed to have gone off sex.
My marriage is over as I’ll never trust him again. He’s destroyed me completely and I don’t know how to get over the pain I’m in.
DEIDRE SAYS: I’m so sorry – and I do understand that a whole year of lying and cheating is hard to forgive.
You must be in terrible pain as you grieve for the marriage and future you’ve lost. It’s a life-changing trauma but you will survive.
Take life a day at a time. Be kind to yourself, let friends show support and do make sure you eat well.
You have already spent lots of time on your own through the years and you’ve managed to cope and to bring up two sons.
Be honest with them but try not to break their bond with their dad.
My e-leaflet Thinking Of Divorce will help you to take the next steps.
You still have a good future. It’s just not the one that you planned.
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