I am so tense in the bedroom since my back op that sex with new guy is disaster

DEAR DEIDRE: SEX with my new guy is a disaster because I tense up when it matters.

I’m a woman of 39 and my boyfriend is 41.

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I had a back op a few months ago and when it came to having sex for the first time after that, I was so nervous.

Now I am wondering if this has affected me down below.

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My boyfriend has been great and says it doesn’t matter and we can try again in a while but I am worried this will happen again.

It feels as though my vagina has a blockage, which has never happened before.

I am starting to feel scared about having sex at all now.

DEIDRE SAYS: You might be right that anxiety after your operation has triggered a condition called vaginismus – when the muscles tense up and make sex near-impossible.

There are self-help techniques which can help but be sure to spend enough time on foreplay so you feel aroused and the muscles there have a better chance of relaxing.

My support pack Self-Help For Painful Sex explains.

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